The Everything I Have Lost by Sylvia Zéleny

Author:Sylvia Zéleny
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cinco Puntos Press
Published: 2020-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

JULY 21ST

Mamá hates the telephone, she says that it only rings with bad news. I don’t know what she means. We haven’t had any bad news, have we?

Since Tere left and I stopped hanging with Mercedes, when the phone rings, it is never for me. It is either Tía, Papá, or Pedro on the other line. So imagine my surprise when it rang and Mamá said, Julia, it’s for you.

It was Jonás. He said he called just to talk.

Me: Are you bored? Is that why you called me?

Jonás: No, I called you just because. But now that you ask, yes, I am a bit bored. Summer sucks. I never get to see my friends during the summer, Mamá is always working and Bis, well…what are you up to?

Me: Well, my summer is way worse than yours.

Jonás: How so?

Me: We are at home all-the-time.

Jonás: Really?

Me: Yes, and it sucks… I mean, at least you can go out and bike, we can’t even set a foot outside our house.

Jonás: Well, that’s the thing, I can’t even bike. I got a flat and my mom’s been way too busy to take me.

Me: Can’t you fix it yourself?

Jonás: No, I can’t.

Me: Why? Aren’t boys and men supposed to be able to fix everything?

Jonás: Not everything.

Me: That sucks. You were my hope.

Jonás: Your hope?

Me: To fix my life.

Jonás: Julia, you are too crazy, I don’t think anyone can fix you. You are like way too broken.

JULY 26TH

Well, elections happened a few weeks ago, but the city is a whole mess. No one is happy, there are protests everywhere. We can’t leave the house, it’s not safe, Mamá tells Tía on the phone.

I want to yell at Tía, we NEVER go out anyway. I am starting to believe…I am starting to think that this summer doesn’t know it is summer.

I am starting to think that Califas does not know he is a cat.

I am starting to think that Mamá does not know how to be a mother.

I am starting to think that Papá does not know how to be a father.

I am starting to think that no one knows how to run this city.

This is my way of saying

 everything

  and everybody around me SUCKS.

AUGUST 1ST

Papá left again and this time Pedro had to go with him. Mamá will get all crazy and everything. She’ll say:

DON’T answer the phone,

DON’T answer the door,

DON’T complain about my headaches.

Turn off the lights, Mamá says.

But it is only 8 pm, we tell her.

I don’t care, turn it off, let’s make them believe we are not here.

THEM WHO?

AUGUST 3RD

Dear Diary,

We’ve been watching a lot of TV. Mamá stays in her studio and doesn’t even supervise us. It’s like she doesn’t even care what we do as long as we don’t make a lot of noise. Or make her nervous. Or give her headaches.

Today we watched a movie about a girl who is just like me, minus the haircut and the clothes, and the attitude. I liked her name—Mathilda, like the one of that book, the one whose parents are so mean.

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